The Godfather

I got an email from the Godfather himself:

From the stretched out sphincter of Ass-happy Anthony's anus arose an audacious -- albeit atrocious -- assemblage: an amazing artwork.  Call it an eel, a snake, a walking stick... scratch that. Call it the Godfather. It was actually the initial poop that perpetuated this priceless pooping proposition that pulls participants to ponder the possibilities of the depths of the porcelain ocean.  

Damnit, Anthony, gotta stop you here. Enough alliteration.  This was the first poop that passed through the cellular airwaves and started the deucing duels.  Well created, Ass-Happy Anthony.  Took you long enough to resend it to me.

Fwd: Let's Go Phillies!

Deucing Dougie is an avid Phillies fan.  He eats red.  He dreams red.  He bleeds red.  Hell, he even poops red.  (Men, if this ever happens in the literal sense, for the love of god go see a gastroenterologist.)

Take a look at this gem: a replica 1980s Phillies "P" logo!  In honor of the Phillies losing 4 games to the lowly Astros, Dougie emphatically dropped this swirly into the toilet, symbolizing his frustrations and summarizing his feelings toward his team this past weekend.  The silent porcelain protest of their potentially slippery demise must have worked as the Phillies stopped the bleeding and won a damn game: we can only hope this season doesn't get flushed down the proverbial toilet like Dougie's jaw-dropper did (god forbid we collapse like the Mets).

Thanks Dougie!  Go Phils!
Phantom Pooper

Here I sit, Broken-hearted.
Came to shit, But only farted.

High School Poopsicle

I got this whopper of an photo (with description) from esteemed reader Corny Chris:

It was third period when it all happened.  Walking into the bathroom one beautiful spring day, I realized a disturbing smell and an open third stall. With my interest piqued in what atrocity created that stench, I peeked in and saw this massacre. Wow! This thing was a true work of ass-art... Naturally, i had to take a picture and forward it to everyone and their mother.  The mothers didn't seem to like it, however.  I let everyone know which bathroom donned this porcelain prize.

Out of curiosty, and to see if the teachers ditched the deification, I walked by the bathroom at fifth period to see an unusually large number of laughing people standing outside of the bathroom. They were all there to see this toilet clogger. 

Word spreads fast and word spreads far. By sixth period, many male teachers had heard about the phantom dump. Apparently, they determined that action had to be taken. Many failed attempts were undertaken to try to flush this damned thing... but that was clearly not happening.  Frustrated, one teacher finally locked the bathroom. 

The poop was never to be seen again, but it will live forever in high-school infamy.

I ask you this, mud-makers: How does the unflushable turd get flushed?  Or does it?  Who's lucky hands had to birth that baby from the bowl?  If only Corny Chris somehow got a photo of that...

Phantom Pooper

Here I sit; I'm at a loss.
Tryin' to shit out taco sauce. 
At some point I'll drop a load; 
God I hope I don't explode.